Goals

I was out for a run last week, only my 7th run of 2012 (when I was running 5 times A WEEK before), and I started thinking about goals.  My life has changed quite a bit in the last few years and one big part is that I found a love of running.  I just haven't been able to stop myself!  And each year I've set a few goals for myself.  In 2009, my first year of running, it was to complete at 5K and run 250 total miles and I met that goal.  In 2010, it was to run 500 miles and do an Olympic distance triathlon.  Check!  In 2011 I was hoping to run 1000 miles but pared it down to 800 due to a couple injuries during the summer.  I also completed my 2nd and 3rd half marathons and took 30 minutes off my half marathon time in 12 months. 
At the end of November and beginning of December, I was preparing my 2012 goals - run 1000 miles, do at least 2 (perhaps 3) half-marathons, run a sub-2:30 half and really start preparing for a Half-Ironman triathlon.  Well, none of those things are going to happen.  If all goes perfectly, I can possibly do one half marathon by the end of the year but even that might be hoping for too much.  Now my 2012 goal is to simply end the year cancer-free and still be running.  That's it.  It's quite a blow to my ego to have to dial back my goals like that, and to realize that I can't force any of them to happen.  It's just not possible right now.
But in other ways it is freeing.  I can see the goals for what they are - not ends unto themselves but just a little check-mark on life.

First 2 treatments

I had my first chemo treatment on Friday, January 27.  I actually ended up sleeping through pretty much the entire treatment.  The whole thing takes about 4 hours because they run blood tests and I meet with my doctor before each treatment.  The actual infusion is probably 2-3 hours.
The first treatment took quite a bit out of me.  I ended up sleeping all day Friday, most of Saturday, taking it easy Sunday and then needing another big nap on Monday.  But by Tuesday I felt much better.
I had my second treatment yesterday (Feb. 10) and I seem to be reacting to it much better - not quite so tired.  But the treatment itself was much harder.  I didn't sleep through it and the IV was very uncomfortable.  The nurses in the infusion center were very nice and they encouraged me to get a port put in my chest to make it easier.  I'm not excited about getting the port - it's another surgery - but the nurses said it would help a lot.

A new look

I decided that rather than let my hair fall out, I'd take control and cut it all off.  So I did.  I went from the longest my hair has ever been to the shortest in just under 2 hours.  Talk about a shock to the system.  But it's growing on me, even in the few short hours I've had it.  And now I have the peace of mind that I won't have to watch it fall out in clumps!

Blessings

Throughout this "challenging" (shall we say) time, the thing that keeps coming up the most for me is just how blessed I am in my life.  It is so easy to go through life on a daily basis and take for granted all that I have, especially when dealing with the daily BS that always comes up.  But then something comes and knocks you out of your oblivion and you can't see anything the same again.  Cancer has done that for me.  What an amazing thing to have (in no particular order):
Parents who have literally dropped everything to help me through this, taking me to appointments, making sure all my needs are met (and even making sure my cat's needs are met!).
Friends who have been non-stop supportive with texts and emails as well as some of the coolest, most thoughtful gifts possible.
A larger network of people praying for me and sending me notes and cards to make sure I can't feel alone for even one second.
A great job that has given me all the freedom I need to get through this, never once complaining about my crazy schedule or missed work.
The best health insurance money can buy so that I can have the best treatment and just about guarantee a successful recovery.

I can't imagine what this would be like if I were missing any one of these things.  Although cancer SUCKS (and it really does suck), I feel luckier and more blessed than any other time in my life.

My first post!

Thanks everyone for visiting my Positive Emily Spirit blog.  Lots of people have suggested that I start a blog to keep anyone (who is interested) up-to-date on my treatment and life in general.  Hopefully you'll find something fun, education, inspiring or just time-wasting on here!