No More Cancer!

Clearly cancer hasn't improved my ability to do thing like update a blog, so apologies all around for not keeping you all up-to-date on my progress, like I'd promised.  But better late than never!  Really, though, I'm compelled to send out this update to let you all know some really great news.  Last Thursday, I had a PET scan (they inject radioactive glucose into my veins which attaches to any cancer in my body and then it lights up on a CT scan) and it came back clean.  So, no more cancer inside me!  Yeah!  I'm not done with my treatments yet.  I still have three more chemo treatments to go (June 1, 15 and 29) just to make triple-super-duper sure that there is no more cancer hiding anywhere and that it won't ever be able to make a comeback.  But this was proof that the treatments have worked and I'm definitely on the road to healed.  

Leading up to the test, I tried not to think too much about what it could mean.  What if it didn't come back clean?  What if my doctor said they needed to add some extra treatments at the end?  Not questions I could ponder the answers to.  I've pretty much had my heart set on June 29 as the last day of this and I'm not sure I could have handled the news that there was more.  But as soon as my doctor told me the news, a wave of relief washed over me and I wanted to pretty much just fall asleep from all the stress.  All of the prayers and good wishes that were sent my way have made a huge difference and it was wonderful knowing that you were all behind me.

After my treatments are done, I'll still need to have regular tests to make sure that the cancer is staying away.  It looks like I'll have tests every 3 months for about 2 years, then every 6 months for another 3 years after that and then once a year for some time after that.  I'm sure those will each be quite stressful, but I know I've got a great team behind me.

Now, for an update on my life through cancer.  Back in the end of February I had surgery to put in a port for the chemo.  This is exactly what it sounds like – a port in my chest which has a tube running to a valve near my heart so they can inject the chemo directly in to that, instead of having to put an IV in my arm each time.  I wasn't happy about getting the port – I wasn't interested in another surgery or scar or more healing time.  But the nurses at the infusion center where I have my chemo insisted because it's actually quite difficult to give about 3 hours of chemo through an arm IV.  I'm really glad I did it now.  It has made the chemo much, much easier, and frankly, much faster each time.  Since the veins are bigger, they inject the chemo faster.  So all around a good thing.  And the scar isn't too bad – I just look at it like another badge of honor.  I'll need surgery again at the end of the summer to take the port out again.  Not looking forward to that either but it must be done.

I have also lost pretty much all of my hair.  There is a very thin layer of hair on my head but it doesn’t actually really grow very much at all.  Some parts grow in spurts but nothing consistent so I keep it shaved pretty close.  I've lost most of my eyebrows and eyelashes (which is disappointing) but I don't have to shave my legs anymore (which is great!).  I bought a really fabulous wig that I wear to work every day.  I think it might be even better than my real hair!  It's definitely easier to take care off.  It doesn't really have to be washed or dried, it can't get messed up by the wind or rain and it takes about 3 seconds to put on in the morning!  I think that my hair should start to grow back by the end of July so I'm looking forward to getting to experiment with different super-short pixie cuts while it is growing out.

In much sadder news, I've had to pretty much give up running.  Well, I have completely had to give up running.  At the beginning, I was able to build back up after each treatment – 1/4 mile one day, then 1/2 the next, leading up to being able to run a mile before my next treatment.  That stopped towards the end of April.  I'm not able to even run 1/4 mile at all.  I have trouble with one flight of stairs, especially if I'm carrying anything.  This has been quite a disappointment.  I've really enjoyed having running in my life for over 3 years now and I miss being able to be outside doing it.  I can do some walking but I'm pretty limited with that as well.  A 3-mile walk is pretty exhausting so I can only do 1-2 of those between treatments and I can't walk up hills much at all.  I know I'll be getting back to this in July and I just can’t wait.  Biking is also very challenging.  I can bike about 10 miles completely flat but any little hill slows me down a bunch and is very tiring.  And we all know how hard it is to avoid hills in Seattle!  As soon as I start building back up my strength, I'll be back on my bike and back running and I'm already looking forward to getting back to pre-cancer strength.  I'll be doing the LiveStrong ride in Austin, TX in October so that's one big goal.  I'll probably only do the short ride (between 10 and 25 miles) because I don't want to push myself too hard and I want to make sure I've got energy to play in Austin with the family!  I'm also looking ahead to when I'll be able to run a half-marathon again.  I'm hoping for March of 2013 so please keep your fingers crossed for me!

OK – thanks to all who made it through the entirety of this post!  As a reward, I've posted a picture of my port –

Ha ha!  Just kidding.  That is a beautiful 1980 Port wine :)  For real, here is your reward – a beautiful picture of me in my new wig.

Goals

I was out for a run last week, only my 7th run of 2012 (when I was running 5 times A WEEK before), and I started thinking about goals.  My life has changed quite a bit in the last few years and one big part is that I found a love of running.  I just haven't been able to stop myself!  And each year I've set a few goals for myself.  In 2009, my first year of running, it was to complete at 5K and run 250 total miles and I met that goal.  In 2010, it was to run 500 miles and do an Olympic distance triathlon.  Check!  In 2011 I was hoping to run 1000 miles but pared it down to 800 due to a couple injuries during the summer.  I also completed my 2nd and 3rd half marathons and took 30 minutes off my half marathon time in 12 months. 
At the end of November and beginning of December, I was preparing my 2012 goals - run 1000 miles, do at least 2 (perhaps 3) half-marathons, run a sub-2:30 half and really start preparing for a Half-Ironman triathlon.  Well, none of those things are going to happen.  If all goes perfectly, I can possibly do one half marathon by the end of the year but even that might be hoping for too much.  Now my 2012 goal is to simply end the year cancer-free and still be running.  That's it.  It's quite a blow to my ego to have to dial back my goals like that, and to realize that I can't force any of them to happen.  It's just not possible right now.
But in other ways it is freeing.  I can see the goals for what they are - not ends unto themselves but just a little check-mark on life.

First 2 treatments

I had my first chemo treatment on Friday, January 27.  I actually ended up sleeping through pretty much the entire treatment.  The whole thing takes about 4 hours because they run blood tests and I meet with my doctor before each treatment.  The actual infusion is probably 2-3 hours.
The first treatment took quite a bit out of me.  I ended up sleeping all day Friday, most of Saturday, taking it easy Sunday and then needing another big nap on Monday.  But by Tuesday I felt much better.
I had my second treatment yesterday (Feb. 10) and I seem to be reacting to it much better - not quite so tired.  But the treatment itself was much harder.  I didn't sleep through it and the IV was very uncomfortable.  The nurses in the infusion center were very nice and they encouraged me to get a port put in my chest to make it easier.  I'm not excited about getting the port - it's another surgery - but the nurses said it would help a lot.

A new look

I decided that rather than let my hair fall out, I'd take control and cut it all off.  So I did.  I went from the longest my hair has ever been to the shortest in just under 2 hours.  Talk about a shock to the system.  But it's growing on me, even in the few short hours I've had it.  And now I have the peace of mind that I won't have to watch it fall out in clumps!

Blessings

Throughout this "challenging" (shall we say) time, the thing that keeps coming up the most for me is just how blessed I am in my life.  It is so easy to go through life on a daily basis and take for granted all that I have, especially when dealing with the daily BS that always comes up.  But then something comes and knocks you out of your oblivion and you can't see anything the same again.  Cancer has done that for me.  What an amazing thing to have (in no particular order):
Parents who have literally dropped everything to help me through this, taking me to appointments, making sure all my needs are met (and even making sure my cat's needs are met!).
Friends who have been non-stop supportive with texts and emails as well as some of the coolest, most thoughtful gifts possible.
A larger network of people praying for me and sending me notes and cards to make sure I can't feel alone for even one second.
A great job that has given me all the freedom I need to get through this, never once complaining about my crazy schedule or missed work.
The best health insurance money can buy so that I can have the best treatment and just about guarantee a successful recovery.

I can't imagine what this would be like if I were missing any one of these things.  Although cancer SUCKS (and it really does suck), I feel luckier and more blessed than any other time in my life.

My first post!

Thanks everyone for visiting my Positive Emily Spirit blog.  Lots of people have suggested that I start a blog to keep anyone (who is interested) up-to-date on my treatment and life in general.  Hopefully you'll find something fun, education, inspiring or just time-wasting on here!